For a while, I’ve really had a story going that I don’t make enough art, or I’m not sharing it in the right way.
(fyi, scroll down past all this writing for a new 12-page comic.)
1. Learning isn’t linear. I get frustrated when I take a pause on sharing online and then there’s a little internal hump for me to get over to share again. It’s ok. I’m ok.
3. I’m sneaky and hard on myself. I make plenty of art, I just usually then hide it from myself and don’t let anyone else see what I’ve made, so then I forget what I’ve done and keep being in a story that I don’t do anything.
4. Then I’m afraid and judgmental. I find the art I’ve made (or have this same thought before I hide and don’t share whatever I’ve made) that this is too weird, too vulnerable, too fill in the blank (sad, sexual, bizarre, happy, awkward, celebratory, queer, privileged, oblivious, specific, vague, spiritual, whatever, etc, etc, etc) and I can’t share it.
What will you think of me!
5. Really noticing my own stigma around mental health stuff.
Even though I’ve worked with clients for years around busting mental health stigma (i.e. I’m the web developer and graphic designer for OC87 Recovery Diaries and I was the assistant director of the film Hollywood Beauty Salon), I’m realizing that I have major mental health stigma about myself!
It’s valuable to share what I’ve created when having difficult days.
That’s when I get the most meaningful feedback that what I’ve made resonates with people who are seeking resonance.
It is super healing for me to be more real and honest about my life.
To be seen and known.
I don’t just want to reveal myself when I’m happy and positive. If I’m going to share myself, I want you to know there’s more going on with me than a perfectly edited Instagram selfie and best life hashtag.
It’s not a problem to have feelings.
However, so often, I really don’t want to share the things I’ve made when having a tough time because I’m worried about how friends and family are going to react.
I don’t want, “are you okay?” check ins from well meaning loved ones.
I’m not sharing this stuff for attention or to dump on anyone or as a cry for help.
I get all the help I need.
I want to share what I create — especially when it’s dark and difficult — so that other people know they aren’t alone with similar feelings and experiences.
So that other people can know about the resources that have worked for me.
Even though sharing is scary, it’s also what’s right for me.
6. Sharing in a real way, which is drawing and writing across a whole spectrum of experiences, is taking a level of courage I didn’t know about before now, and is leading me to ego death that’s daily, and messy, and my own funny little perfect adventure.
7. I drew the following short story during Yom Kippur 2018.
Spoiler alert: I ate a mini pickle at 5:30pm because fasting was starting to ruin my life after 23 hours.
8. If you want to support this work with $, you can do that here.
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