Why are we so attached to resenting past lovers and friends?
In drawing this comic (scroll down), I realized that if I gave up my resentments, then we might not have any connection anymore. These resentments might be the only thing holding us together at all.
And that feels so sad, scary even.
Resentment is a way to stay connected to someone when it’s too hard to connect over positive feeling memories or new experiences.
A life crowded with resentment is exhausting and heartbreaking.
It’s hard to fall in love with someone new while you’re still viscerally angry and disappointed when thinking about the last three or four people you dated.
It’s difficult to imagine new meaningful friendships when you’re still frustrated and pissed that a once best friend is no longer even at acquaintance level in your life.
It’s habitual (and in that way easier) to obsess about other people and how they did us wrong / fell short / weren’t compatible, then to take care of our own lives. For me those things are:
Becoming brave enough to share what I make. I have a trove of comics, videos, and short stories that are vulnerable and useful and that I’ve been nervous and too disorganized to share.
So, I think this giving up of resentment thing is two fold.
1. I might lose all connection with people who I love, who I’m unable to currently connect with in other ways. And that’s filled with grief.
2. I’m going to have to mind my own business more and live a fuller life, where I’m more truly myself, become happier, wealthier, healthier, and more creative. Success, it turns out, is scary. As I become more successful, I need to take better care of myself. That takes discipline, investment, and change.
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